i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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