She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
