at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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