i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
