apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
