I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
