woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
