batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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