god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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