omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
