I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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