Where did you get a picture of my penis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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