i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
