we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
birth control should be required to get into college
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
