Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
