Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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