Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize