I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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