Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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