Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
