if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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