I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize