don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
