He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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