It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize