Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
40s are totally the cure
pray to the hookup gods
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
