True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
