it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
