she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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