you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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