Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am one with the molecules
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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