My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
