We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
