i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
