Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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