i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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