I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
