Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
