Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
