How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize