Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
