I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
