I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
