i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
MIDGETS
????
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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