I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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