honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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