I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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