im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize