im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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