my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
