I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize