R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
