youre lurking in front of me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
