At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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