someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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