I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
