Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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