I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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