Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
cat food counts as protein by the way
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
