After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
40s are totally the cure
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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