Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
