the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
