We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
