I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its not stalking. its research.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
