HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize