I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize