I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
