We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
