They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
