Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
