Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
