It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
