She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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