It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
try to milk me bitch
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