So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
