She announced her abortion via fbk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize