thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
