ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
