sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
