How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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