i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
