Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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