Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
