after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
