So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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