She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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