my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize