yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
