Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
