i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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