Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I checked into jail on foursquare
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
