Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
