if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize