Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
