OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
