I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
