remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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