Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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