does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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