How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
