You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
