I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
