imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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