I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
