I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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