im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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