It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
